An Entry on Forgiveness
Occasionally (and let me state this for the record) VERY rarely I hold a grudge. I have a lot of people that I can be angry at. Pretty much everyone involved in my childhood-except my little sister who, with a few moments of teenage exception, has been my constant source of joy. Everyone in Middle and High School that made my life a living Hell. There are a few GM's, KM's and Chefs that I am pretty sure I owe a little (if not a LOT of) hatred. Oh, and the ExHubby, let's not forget him. Do I hate any of these people? Do I hold a grudge over them? Do I loose sleep thinking about how they slighted me, and how I will exact my revenge upon them some day? No, no I do not.
I have, my friends, been holding a grudge against a few people though. People I considered my friends that have slighted me, hurt me, or caused me aingst. You know those people. They are the ones you open up to, and the ones to whom you tell your secrets, your ambitions, and your stories. Then for no reason-or some completely rediculous reason, they rip your heart out. I have been left emotionaly shreadded and gushing spiritual blood more than I care to think about. Those are the people I am talking about.
I will occasionally get a flashback of the day, the fight, the incident-I will quiver with rage and anger. I will wish that perosn ill. I have even come away a couple of times with "shell-shock" or PTSD from a particularly bad moment. I do not like confrontation and will usually back down and just let the chips fall-as they say. I have been left with a lot of scars from this practice. I had an entire vacation ruined last year because of a complete, and utterly childish, misunderstanding. My now former friend attacked me with both guns loaded and blazing. I was hurt very badly. I hated her. I lost countless nights of sleep from the involentary replaying of every hurtful word she spewed at me. I wished her ill. I wished her suffering. I have a few people I hold in this same regard because of similar hurts.
Now, after a lot of soul searching, and working on myself as a spiritual being-I have come to a place of letting go. I no longer have the energy to hold on to the hatred and hurt and feelings of betrayal that I have clung to for so long. For the people that have caused my soul to bleed, I say "no more!". You are few, and you are rare, but to you I say goodbye.
I forgive you.
I let you and the feelings that you gave me-of which I have wasted so much of my time and energy-go. I forgive you. I set myself free of you! I wish you well, and in doing so I heal my own wounds.
I am smiling a peacful smile inside my spirit and on my face. May you be blessed!
I have, my friends, been holding a grudge against a few people though. People I considered my friends that have slighted me, hurt me, or caused me aingst. You know those people. They are the ones you open up to, and the ones to whom you tell your secrets, your ambitions, and your stories. Then for no reason-or some completely rediculous reason, they rip your heart out. I have been left emotionaly shreadded and gushing spiritual blood more than I care to think about. Those are the people I am talking about.
I will occasionally get a flashback of the day, the fight, the incident-I will quiver with rage and anger. I will wish that perosn ill. I have even come away a couple of times with "shell-shock" or PTSD from a particularly bad moment. I do not like confrontation and will usually back down and just let the chips fall-as they say. I have been left with a lot of scars from this practice. I had an entire vacation ruined last year because of a complete, and utterly childish, misunderstanding. My now former friend attacked me with both guns loaded and blazing. I was hurt very badly. I hated her. I lost countless nights of sleep from the involentary replaying of every hurtful word she spewed at me. I wished her ill. I wished her suffering. I have a few people I hold in this same regard because of similar hurts.
Now, after a lot of soul searching, and working on myself as a spiritual being-I have come to a place of letting go. I no longer have the energy to hold on to the hatred and hurt and feelings of betrayal that I have clung to for so long. For the people that have caused my soul to bleed, I say "no more!". You are few, and you are rare, but to you I say goodbye.
I forgive you.
I let you and the feelings that you gave me-of which I have wasted so much of my time and energy-go. I forgive you. I set myself free of you! I wish you well, and in doing so I heal my own wounds.
I am smiling a peacful smile inside my spirit and on my face. May you be blessed!
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